A
holiday can be the perfect window of time to reexamine your life from
afar. Free days spent wandering through another city, listening to a
different language, and exploring the way others live has always made me
consider how I live and how I most want to live.
This
past week, I was in a city that is practically sacred to me: Amsterdam. After several months there studying during university, I was
overwhelmed with inspiration and desire. It affected the rest of my
university career activities and I quickly returned to graduate school
and began working in international education. I moved to Boston and
cultivated a lifestyle that incorporated European ideals and American
realism (and a lot of cheese). Not every dream came true, but not every dream is meant to. I
was - and am - very lucky for these opportunities and experiences.
IT
had been six years since my first time in Amsterdam, in Europe, abroad,
alone. And while it felt like coming home when I walked out of
Centraal Station and into the canals, I had become so much more of
myself in those half a dozen years.
My
wanderlust is monumental; I know I will go back to Amsterdam and to a
multitude of other places. For now I face the reexamining of my ‘real’
life: my career, my relationships, my daily habits, good and bad. I want
to change and grow and accomplish so much. I’ve carried home hundred
of photographs and ideas, bits of writing and more Dutch vocabulary, and
I want to fulfill every dream I stumbled across in those canals. But
instead, I can’t stop weeping. The goals I set for myself always seem a
few steps ahead, just out of reach. There are so many things I wish to
do and complete, but I fall short more days than not. Notoriously hard
on myself, I wake up each morning convinced I’ve been reborn and today
will be the day I do everything i set out to do and ultimately -
inevitably - i am disappointed.
This
morning the idiom “Rome wasn’t built in a day” drifted into my head as I
surveyed the teetering piles of paperwork covering my desk. I thought
of the half un-packed bags at home and the unmade dinner and my lack of
muscle definition and I finally realized the answer: patience.
Seemingly so simple and obvious, but in the modern rush to be
everything to everybody and have really nice hair, I had gotten
overwhelmed and tried to do it all at once. Nothing beautiful or great
comes into existence immediately; masterpieces do not materialize out of
thin air. Be it a novel or a truly great painting or just a decently
organized house, I could not accomplish any of them without putting in
the time. And in putting in the time, allowing myself time. There is
not one half-decent book written in 12 hours nor a perfectly appointed
house decorated just right as soon as one moves in; how could I expect
to accomplish either?
So
I aim to be kinder and more reasonable to myself. I know I will fail at
that, and fall back into writing lists of lists and trying to outshine
Martha Stewart / J.K. Rowling / the Duchess of Cambridge. And I know I
will inevitably outpace myself and let myself down again; old habits die
hard. But hopefully I can remember that like Rome, I wasn’t built in a
day either.
Today is my 27th birthday, I am officially in my late 20s. Since college graduation five light years ago, I've moved to Boston, got a M.A., got engaged, bought a condo, got married, and the list goes on and on. I am more settled in a lot of ways than my friends but I am still dreaming of other places, paths, and goals. And so...
27 Things I Learned in 27 Years
1. College may have been great or it may have been terrible, but it's over. Be grateful and move on.
2. You can no longer party like you could in college, no matter how hard you try.
3. Money (or lack thereof) dictates a lot. Live within your means, save something, think ahead.
4. Of course, don't let finances take you away from the things you love. Think outside the box.
5. Travel. Before you have kids and a dog or senior family members. It doesn't matter where, just go.
6. "I regret reading so many books" said no one ever. READ.
7. Keep learning. A class in beer brewing totally counts.
8. Hydrate well, it can be the difference between feeling good and feeling terrible.
9. Please don't drink soda. Or at least try to drink less of it. It's not worth it. (Beer is an acceptable substitute).
10. Establish routines that are all your own. Revel in your independence. Enjoy being free.
11. Love comes to you when you least expect it. Cliche but true. Be open to the universe.
12. It's okay to be single now. It's okay to be married now. You are the master of your life, don't allow other people's definitions of relationships bring you down.
13. Wear sunscreen (Remember this?) You'll be glad you did.
14. People change and friendships with them. Try to keep in touch with the people that make you happy.
15. You may hate your job / field / career path now, but try to make it work. And if it doesn't work, change.
16. You cannot make anyone happy. That's for them to do. Don't despair over what isn't your failing.
17. Inversely, no one can make you happy but yourself. Choose happiness everyday.
18. Pick your caffeine weapon of choice. You will need it more and more.
19. Buy things that are beautiful and useful. And sometimes that means they will be expensive.
20. Money matters but it's not everything. You can always make more.
21. It's easier to find a job when you have one.
22. Never underestimate the power of a good blazer. It's like my office armor.
23. Take more walks. It can be the start to a great adventure.
24. Challenge yourself, but not in the "power hour" type of challenge.
25. Do something ridiculous and don't regret it. (Unless it gets you arrested).
26. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
27. Make all the years 'the best years of your life'
9:00am: First one in the office, it's going to be a good day! Look at my quality programing / good practices / efficiency.
10:00am, Staff Meeting: Least favorite time of the week. Maybe it won't be too painful...
10:11am: 2 hour meeting? Great. Bring it on.
10:50am: I hate this. I hate my life. Is this real life? Why didn't I go into teaching / writing / prostitution?
11:18am: I desperately have to pee.
11:37am: No, no go ahead my dear colleague, tell me more about yourself. We've only worked together three years, continue...
12:03pm: FREEEDOMMMMMMM. Annnnnnd there goes half my day.
1:00pm: Oh sweet Jesus, lunch time. A whole hour to watch British tv shows on youtube and eat my body weight in chocolate. I guess this place could be worse...
2:00pm, Committee Meeting: Crashing hard. Why do we schedule meetings at 2pm? Or schedule meetings to discuss all the other meetings we need to have? Hello, my name is Maria and I work for the Department of Redundancy for Redundancy.
3:00pm: Two hours to closing time. Caffeine refill. Actually have time to do work whilst at work.
4:02pm: Scratch that. Facebook needs me!
4:24pm: Boss calls. Sure, I'll get right on that.
4:47pm: Day's over. Get ready to leave and then hide in the bathroom, playing games on my phone.
5:00pm: Peace, suckers. Maybe tomorrow will be better...or maybe I'll win the megamillions tonight.
